Amy Wright Glenn’s voicemail outbox reminds me of the Guided Meditation app. “Exhale (take a long break) and exhale (take another pause) before you leave your message … thank you very much,” he said in a faint tone.
There is reason why he is so intentional about what he hears when callers can’t answer the phone. Many have been in crisis trying to get in touch with Glenn. As a cradle to the end of life, he talks to people who are close to death or who love those who have recently died.
Not surprisingly, more people are reaching out to Florida residents during the coronavirus epidemic, which claimed the lives of 294,022 people worldwide, including more than 60,000 in the United States.
Most people associate Dollas with delivery. Born Dallas is trained to provide sensitive and physical support to parents during the birth of a child. (They don’t give birth to babies; it’s a midwife.) However, the word “doula” can be used to describe someone who acts as a mediator at any stage of life. There are sleepers during sleep, after delivery, there is anteropartum. And of course there are deadly doubts.
Before the coronavirus, towards the end of life, a dove was responsible for fulfilling the wishes of people who knew they would be transmitted. If someone wants to play a certain song or a certain person in his bed at the time of his death, a swing will help to arrange it. They could have worked with the families of the victims while planning the funeral, said Henry Farsco-Weiss, co-founder of the Doula International Association for the Life.
But during an epidemic, the last swings of life cannot do their job in the same way. Due to the social distance system, they are not allowed in the hospital, hospital and accommodation facilities for the elderly. Delivering their services can be virtually difficult. Farsco-Weiss says some sick people have limited “phone time” and they use it to call family members, not Dallas. Funeral services are kept or strictly restricted.
Still, people are finding ways to reach out. Often those who seek lifelong support from Dowler are in great pain. “Recently my hardest advice was about suicide, and the grief of those who had family members or friends died by suicide,” Glenn said. “This epidemic was a turning point for some people who were already fighting for mental health … I screamed for it.”
The only pain of grief during COVID-19
One of the reasons why this epidemic is so devastating is that people are dying alone. In Japan, they call it “Kodokushi”, which means “lonely death”. Many patients in hospitals, clinics, nursing homes and other healthcare facilities are not allowed visitors because COVID-19 is so contagious. Their last conversation with their loved one may have taken place via FaceTime.
This distance is not easy to overcome, although at the end of their lives Dolans try their best. Farsco-Weiss says many duals encourage their clients to write letters to family members. People close to death have a unique outlook, which makes the intelligence they express particularly impressive, he says. When possible, Glenn suggests that ultimately sick patients ask their doctors about going home, where they can pass by loved ones. “It’s very powerful to be with someone when they die,” he says. “This is one of those life-changing memories.”
Experiencing grief with many more can be challenging. “I don’t think people understand that they’re not alone,” Farsco-Weiss said. “You can feel very short, feel better, know that more people can suffer than you. But your pain is your sorrow and you cannot avoid it. And you can feel it more deeply because of all the things you lost – even after the death of a loved one you can lose your job and go back to work and you also feel like you can never go back to what it was. ”
At some level this is often true. Glenn said, “For any grief, whether it’s related to cavities or heart disease or cancer, we never go back to where we were before. “Experience can deepen us; We can go through it and grow. However, it is irrefutable that it will change us. ”
How to mourn the plague
When asked if there are any suggestions for those who have lost loved ones lately, Glenn offers the following tips: Go back and open yourself completely to the torment of grief.
“There’s no need to settle for grief,” he says. Glenn discourages people not to think of grief as a disease that should be cured. Instead, it’s more like a stain: it will change and fade, but it will probably stay with you forever. The goal is not to get rid of it, but to get used to it and find ways to survive. “Sorrow is woven into our world,” he says. “The work of grief is to mourn, to express, to share our stories, our feelings, and to find our own meaning of what love, life, and loss are.”
Kinship is essential, Glenn added. He says that in the early stages of grief, people have to express their inner feelings of loss.
But funerals, a historic time when friends and family may gather together to mourn, are canceled and postponed due to social distance restrictions. It can add to the burden of grief.
“There were four deaths in my family where we were never buried,” said Caroline Caruso, who learned of Dulles ’death from a first friend. He trained as one as the epidemic experienced as inspired. “The formality of the funeral was taken away from the family, and it is disastrous for the community,” she said.
At this point, people in search of companionship need to be more purposeful. They can call friends or family or video chat. Or be creative: “You can wake up at 2pm every day. Take time to meditate or pray or sing and ask friends and family to do the same thing – even if you’re not in the same physical place,” Glenn suggests. Keep it about. ”Farsco-Weiss recommends virtual work with an oscillator, therapist or grief counselor.
Your conversations with your friends and loved ones may revolve around your grief and departure but they are not needed. Whether it’s cooking with your best friends at a Netflix party, rehearsing, or watching a fun movie, traditionally connect you to those things.
Your good days will pass. In time, those who are painful, confused, will overcome the initial stage of grief.
“Yes, my job involves putting grief in place, but there is also room for hope, courage and resilience,” says Glenn. “When I hear someone describe their grief, it’s not just sadness that I hear. That is love. It is an honor to be surprised to hear someone express their love. And share your stories and hopes and fears. Grief is a window into the human soul. “
He added, “Sadness and love, like birth and death, cannot exist without each other.”
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